Words can Hurt

Like I said recently, I think God is trying to teach me just how much He loves us. And He is using the greatest tool He has to get to my heart, my kids. This morning around 5:30 AM, Jacob woke up and said he wanted cartoons and milk. Well, neither Johnnie nor I wanted to get up so we were asking Jacob who he wanted to get it. He said, " Daddy, I like daddy better." BROKE.MY.HEART. Immediately a flood of thoughts come to my mind:

- I carried you and God put you together and made you who you are in MY tummy
- I gave birth to you
- I sacrificed my body, looks, and stretch mark-free skin for YOU
- I never sleep through a night because of you
- I love you more than you will ever understand
- I am your one and only mommy
- I would do anything for you

( Now I know daddy is way cooler than me- and this post is nothing against him at all)

The list could go on and on. And I know that my three year old little boy had no idea what he was saying, but still - words hurt sometimes. This made me think, " he wont appreciate me until he is a daddy waking up with his babies." And really this is probably true. I didn't truly appreciate my mom and the sacrifices she made until I became a mom.

This had me thinking - this must be how heartbroken God feels when we choose anything over him. Sin, work, friends, fleshly desires, earthly desires, money, food, whatever. How he must ache with pain and I bet he thinks, "But look what I have done for you? I am your one and only creator and father. I let MY son die for YOU. How could you treat me like this? How could you just push me to the side like this? Don't you know how much I love YOU? Don't you know I am capable of conquering all things? Don't you know you are everything to me?"

I never want to know I've caused that pain to anyone! Especially God. My creator. My savior. The only one who promises me a future and an everlasting life. I want my life to bring joy to Him and for my life to be a light to others. I want my Heavenly Father to know just how much I love Him and that He is my first priority. Because when I show my love to Him and I learn more about Him, I learn how to love others more wholly and I gain the desire to be better and to love others greater and deeper.

I hope Jacob appreciates me long before he is a daddy. And I hope that is because God has shown him how to love and how much God loves him.