Praise You In This Storm

I've always wondered if when I go through a really tough time if I could still be able to drop to my knees and praise Him. And though this "storm" we are going through is nothing compared to what some endure in this life, it is still a difficult mountain to climb and it is what God has laid before us.

I broke down today. I think it might have been the equivalent of a panic attack/anxiety/whatever, but I have never experienced before- I am usually pretty chilled out, atleast I think I am. I was already a little on edge and jittery from my coffee, but as I was preparing my lunch I started to freak out- breathing heavily, heart pumping like crazy and a million scary " how are we going to do this?" and "how did we do this to ourselves?" questions along with uncontrollable sobbing. I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be in control anymore, because obviously my ways just weren't working. So I ran to the bathroom, cried like a baby and just gave it up. I told God to take control, because I just cant do it anymore. And for the first time I really did just surrender this situation to him. I want to please Him. I want to honor Him. And most importantly, I want to PRAISE Him.

At the end of the day, some amazing things have happened:

A) I was shown mercy
B) An opportunity has arisen
C) I am humbled
D) I want nothing more than to drop to my knees and praise him for my failure. Praise Him for allowing my sins, failures, and poor choices to be turned into brokeness that leave me running to collapse into the arms of my Savior.

All day long, I was singing these words in my head

"I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breath, feel your heartbeat, this love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt at your feet. It's overwhelming."

It truly is overwhelming that I am loved enough to be saved. That someone so perfect and sinless died for ME. That I can be looked at as if I have done nothing wrong. I can't express my love for HIM in words. I just pray that I can always remember this every second of this life. And that I can be humbled when I think I have it figured out. And I pray that he will break me down whenever I need to be broken. Because it is in this brokenness that I draw closer to him.

So, for the title of the post, here is the song I was thinking of, Praise You In This Storm - Casting Crowns:


I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Bleh

I dont know what it is. Maybe the fact that Johnnie is working nights and I have a lot of alone time. Maybe it is exhaustion. Maybe it is being pregnant, not having any clothes that really fit, and being hot all the time. But I am just in a funk. Kind of sad. Kind of lonely. Just bleh. And I know what I need to do, but I feel like I have screwed up so badly I dont even know where to begin. So, really I am just sad. And I know this is wrong and does not come from up above. It actually comes from the complete opposite. But I guess I am just needing something to get me back on track...