I'm so ready

I am so so so ready to have this baby. And there is a part of me that feels guilty for being so anxious. Shouldn't I be enjoying my two babies, and enjoying the miracle of a child growing and living inside me. A child inside me that I can feel move and grow- it really is an amazing gift from God.

But there is this selfish part of me that wants this baby out for a few reasons:
1) I just don't feel well! I've never felt this bad- this early in my pregnancies! But if it isn't contractions, it's just an upset stomach, or all over soreness!
2) My skin looks terrible! I always break-out like a 16 year old girl when I am pregnant, and well I am not exactly "glowing." I just feel blah every I look in the mirror.
3) I so want to go running. I so want to throw on my skinny jeans and feel good about how I look in the mirror. I so want to be able to bend over, sit down, or a walk a few steps without groaning or being out of breath.
4) I want to meet my boy!!!!
5) I want to feel pretty again!!!!!!


Now, I know that was a laundry list of complaints and whines and for that I truly apologize. Everytime I think of a complaint, I think back to what Pastor Jeremy said on Sunday and at the women's event, Ignite, "You are not a victim! You have VICTORY in Christ!!!" So basically, stop looking at everything you feel you don't have and everything you think you need/deserve and be grateful that you have victory in the savior, Jesus Christ. Because by Christ, I have been given this (these children) and the ability to carry them in my stomach; by Christ I have been given new life; by Christ I am victorious in all things because he has rescued me from -  my fears, pains, insecurities, and the desires of my flesh.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my complaints. Forgive me for feeling that I am due more than what I have at the present moment. God, give me the strength, patience, and peace in knowing that you will provide me my needs and desires as you see fit. And please open my eyes to see the miracles that are happening before me, both in my body and my family. I am so thankful to have a loving father like you and I pray that I can raise these children you have blessed us with to honor you. Thank you for giving me victory. I love you and praise you. In your oh so Holy name I pray, Amen.

IGNITE!!! This weekend is the annual women's retreat at out church, Stonewater. It is my first year in attendance and so far it is awesome! I am even getting to spend the night away in a hotel! However, we went to bed super late and as a trained by my kids mommy of two( almost three) I was up bright and shine at 5 am. Part of that was being super congested and not being able to breath. I also think part of that was an answered prayer asking 'God - wake me and give me the energy and desire for quiet time." He brought me to an awesome verse. Romans 8:25, " but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." pretty awesome. Perfect timing. When I pray I tend to pray with a "give it to me now" or "fix this now" attitude. When really I need to just be grateful that he will even accept my prayers and trust that his timing is way better than mine. His plan is much more thought out and more importantly, his plan is complete. He already knows the outcome of my life. And as I was reminded at the conference last night, he numbered my days and he knew me before I was created.His plan, though his timing may scare me- is perfect. His plan does not fail.

So when you are anxious or overwhelmed or depressed or feel like you have failed everyone around you including God-pick your head and heart up and lift your eyes to the Lord. Trust that he has a plan and a purpose for every second in your life. And pray that in all you do you do it with honoring Christ as your motivation.

Romans 8:18- " I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

The glory of our father will be revealed in us! If we accept him, honor him, love Him, and trust him!

I praise God for his timing and his plan. I praise him For bringing me to this passage because it gives me so much more trust and hope in Him. Because, truthfully- He is the only thing I should ever hope for.