5 Years and Counting...

Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that just 5 years ago today we were just one boy and one girl deeply in love, in college, and after 5 years of dating finally saying 'I DO'. It was so awesome. We knew from the beginning we were each other's one and only no matter what happens- good, bad, and the ugly! And now 5 years later we are a family of five. Wow- time flies. But one thing is true. I love Johnnie Ray Reagan more than I have ever loved him. He is a loving and caring husband, father, son, brother, and friend and I want no one else to be by my side forever. He lifts me up when I am down and makes me laugh like no one else. He knows me better than anyone knows me. He loves me like no one else loves me. He gave me three beautiful children. He is my everything and now as we enter the second half of the first decade of our marriage I just pray that I can be the best wife to him. I pray God continues to teach me how to love him and build him up as the leader of our home. I pray that we just become closer and stronger both together and in Christ. I pray that my words will be sweet and true, and that I bring him more joy than pain.

I love you forever and ever more Johnnie Ray. You are my best friend, my love, and my man.

Thank you for always loving me.

I love this song. Sometimes marriage is like dancing in a minefield, but the good news is that we have eachother bring us back to home base where we are safe. And if we are on the right path, our marriage can bare the light of Christ.

Dancing in the Minefields

I haven't posted in a while. And I dont have a lot of time now.

But in a sentence: I just love Jesus and I'm so glad I know Him - really really know Him.
Just wanted to declare that today because if I didn't have Him I would be a way bigger mess than I am.

August 4th, 2011...Jeremiah

Just 24 hours ago I was waking up in my bed to the sound of my Labrador retriever Maggie pacing my room and the feeling of imminent labor- my water was breaking! I woke up sweating, what felt Iike my water was leaking a little, and contractions were coming on...strong. Well, I had our bag packed for the most part so I just needed to add the last few essentials like toothbrushes and such. Trying to be a sweet wife I was going to wait to wake johnnie until everything was ready to go. I took a shower ( I know I know but I was hot!!!), made the bed, got dressed and was ready. I went and told johnnie- "it's time
Baby!" he was up in a flash making phone calls. One thing I failed to do was call our baby sitter who was coming from stephenville- 35 minutes away... Yeah that should've been the first thing I did. Because by the time I was done getting ready the contractions were strong and fast. Our hospital is also 30 minutes or so away so that made daddy a little nervous!! 

But as soon as the best babysitter in the world ( seriously- who jumps in their car at 5 am 35 minutes away no questions asked??? Love her) got pulled up- we pulled out and on our way. 

We got to the hospital- before walking in I asked johnnie to pray for us. He prayed a beautiful prayer and then we were ready. I really wanted to be focused on the creator- the one
who is blessing us with this child in the first place. Without Him- this wouldn't be happening anyway! 

So about 6:30 I got into my room and it really began, then before I knew it my baby boy was here! Born at 11:58 am we made it before lunch! And I only pushed for 8 minutes... Now that was the longest 8 minutes of my life ( my epidural was not very strong by request because my last two were too strong! I wanted to feel something!- and oh I did!).

Then I got to hold my sweet new baby boy on my chest for a whole hour and a half! I fed him and we were bonding from the word go. It is so amazing. How did I do that? Just when I thought I had nothing left- God pulled me through. He pushed him out of me- because I know I didn't do that. With each push I thought " God is stronger- he can do this!" It was so hard and it hurt really bad, but how amazing that God blessed me with this miraculous event for a third time! 

This sweet baby boy has already stolen so many hearts. But this is my sole desire for this child and I prayed this over him when it was just us: to love Jesus Christ more than anything in this world and to come to know him at a young age. I pray that God will use Jeremiah to do his work and that he will light a fire and passion in him that brings glory to
God. We are so thankful to be his parents and I just pray God will also teach johnnie and I how to lead him to be a Godly man. 

I am so overwhelmed with awe, love, and peace right now. I couldn't be happier. Thank you dear Lord! 

Old Friends, New Friends, and Good Times

I had a special treat last night....no, not another hot fudge sundae with extra nuts. However, I did have some amazing table side smore's at the this awesome place. I had an evening with my very best friend in the world, Andrea!!!! Just us, no kids, no husband, no body but us! It has literally been years since we were able to do that. And the last time I saw her was when I was pregnant with Chloe ( do we see a reoccurring theme here...?) You know you have a true friend when you don't see each other for 2 years and you pick up right where you left off. It was great. We just talked, laughed, and even did some shopping!  Love that girl!

Today at work I was given another special treat! My coworkers and sweet girlfriends threw me a surprise baby shower at my favorite Fort Worth cafe, Cafe Brazil! Again - amazing food! Can you tell I love food?? There were tons of gifts for Jeremiah, and even Chloe and Jacob! It was so sweet and I am so thankful to work with and know such sweet thoughtful people! I was loaded up on diapers, wipes, soaps, lotions, and tons of other stuff. It's amazing how many people care about this little man who hasn't even arrived yet!

So two days in a row I was treated to some great times with great friends. This is not a common occurance for this mommy. Getting to spend time with just the girls is a rare treat! I must also add a huge awesome bonus to these two days was the amazing sale I hit at Gap. I got 14 items for the kids for $56. I had a $25 gift card - making my out of pocket hit only $32! Do the math people - you can't shop at target that cheap!!!! Woohoo!!! Super excited!!!

I'm in a great mood! Not just because I was given gifts or got some great deals on clothes - that was just bonus. But because I am truly blessed with so many people that love me and my little family. I have so much to be thankful for. I hope I can be as good and loving of a friend to them as they are to me.

3 day weekend here I come!!!!! More good times to be had this weekend!

Words can Hurt

Like I said recently, I think God is trying to teach me just how much He loves us. And He is using the greatest tool He has to get to my heart, my kids. This morning around 5:30 AM, Jacob woke up and said he wanted cartoons and milk. Well, neither Johnnie nor I wanted to get up so we were asking Jacob who he wanted to get it. He said, " Daddy, I like daddy better." BROKE.MY.HEART. Immediately a flood of thoughts come to my mind:

- I carried you and God put you together and made you who you are in MY tummy
- I gave birth to you
- I sacrificed my body, looks, and stretch mark-free skin for YOU
- I never sleep through a night because of you
- I love you more than you will ever understand
- I am your one and only mommy
- I would do anything for you

( Now I know daddy is way cooler than me- and this post is nothing against him at all)

The list could go on and on. And I know that my three year old little boy had no idea what he was saying, but still - words hurt sometimes. This made me think, " he wont appreciate me until he is a daddy waking up with his babies." And really this is probably true. I didn't truly appreciate my mom and the sacrifices she made until I became a mom.

This had me thinking - this must be how heartbroken God feels when we choose anything over him. Sin, work, friends, fleshly desires, earthly desires, money, food, whatever. How he must ache with pain and I bet he thinks, "But look what I have done for you? I am your one and only creator and father. I let MY son die for YOU. How could you treat me like this? How could you just push me to the side like this? Don't you know how much I love YOU? Don't you know I am capable of conquering all things? Don't you know you are everything to me?"

I never want to know I've caused that pain to anyone! Especially God. My creator. My savior. The only one who promises me a future and an everlasting life. I want my life to bring joy to Him and for my life to be a light to others. I want my Heavenly Father to know just how much I love Him and that He is my first priority. Because when I show my love to Him and I learn more about Him, I learn how to love others more wholly and I gain the desire to be better and to love others greater and deeper.

I hope Jacob appreciates me long before he is a daddy. And I hope that is because God has shown him how to love and how much God loves him.

I love you more.

On Wednesday I will be 33 weeks pregnant with my third child. This weekend I had a baby shower and when I was going through the gifts Sunday night it had me reminiscing over my first two babies- the excitement, the newness, the fear, the baby showers, and just all of it. As I organized the objects, I walked by Johnnie and said, "Here we go again..." It just amazes me how much has occurred in our lives in three short years.

A little over three years ago I was a first time mommy. Everything I had ever wanted in life I held in my arms. Then 20 months ago I got to experience it again, that time with a baby girl. And now I will have one more person to love in a few short weeks. It's so hard to believe I could possibly love one more person as much as I love Jacob and Chloe. In a way I am sad, because I know this time will come and go so quickly. I look at these newborn onesies, and it is hard to remember a time when Jacob or Chloe would fit in them. I have such a mix of emotions right now. I'm so excited to meet Jeremiah and see his sweet face and discover who he is. However, I also just want to cherish these last few weeks as a family of four and spend some extra special time with Chloe and Jacob. Chloe has become so attached to me lately. If she sees me even pick up my purse or say the word, "Go" she busts into tears. I think she knows what's coming and I want nothing more than for her to know how much I love her and that no one can ever take that love away. She will always be my baby girl.

It's also weird to think of all the different stages we will be going through: Newborn, Potty training, Jacob just growing into a little man. At least once a day, Johnnie or I say something like, "He's so grown up, I can't believe how mature he is getting" and "she's so smart!" And last night we were discussing moving the beds around. Baby gets Chloe's crib and Chloe will go into a big girl bed! Johnnie just about cried, he is not ready for his baby girl to grow up. And neither am I. Why can't we just pause time for a little bit? One thing I am so looking forward to is maternity leave. 6 whole weeks with all three of my babies! I can't wait. I'm sure it will be hard and tiring but I am ready.

On the way to the baby sitter today Jacob, Chloe and I were all going back and forth saying, "I love you!" , " I love you more!" " No- I love YOU more!" Nothing sweeter than your babies saying they love you. I guess that's how God feels when we genuinely express our love and gratitude for Him. I think that's why God gave people children, and maybe it's why he continues to give Johnnie and I children - so we can truly understand how he loves us and ultimately how he desires for us to love Him, who is so worthy. I know how much I love my children. I know I would go to the ends of the earth for them - so I cannot even begin to fathom how much He loves me. I don't know where I would be without these three children. No, we've never gone on many vacations, we don't have the best house or stuff, and we don't have a lot of money, but we have an awesome family that loves eachother and more importantly is continuing to fall in love with Jesus.

Summer Fun

This is what summer is about:

 Watermelon!!!!!!

 Getting feet wet in the lake!!!!

Playing with friends.... who would have thought a cooler of ice and two three year olds would be so fun!?